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Archive for October, 2009

Semper Fi

A forest of clouds pass over the cresent moon struggling to light my darkness. The radio fails to distract my thoughts as I wander through a quaint neighborhood alone.

The sweat finds its way onto my brow from beneath my USMC headband. I ponder another life far from what I know and realize finally that the age of 29 years 11 months and 15 days is precisely when time and change demand that I open my hands and release my longsuffering ambition to be a bona fide United States marine.

Still I contemplate whether I could actually achieve so high a goal – to serve my country and live for the welfare of others. My body still allows me to run outlandish distances but feels noticably more tired and beaten than she did in earlier times and places. Nevertheless, physcially I’m confident, willing and certainly able for the task if it were set before me. And the sacrifice – the sacrifice of my freedom for others is one I desire – even long to make – but that sacrifice touches not the one I’m unwilling to make for the corps. No, no, there is a bigger price at stake in exchange for the prize here – one I’m unwilling to pay.

My writing is interrupted by two tiny voices needing help down the stairs. “How ironic,” I think to myself. They need help using the potty and they are hungry. They want me to watch a cartoon about farm animals with them so I sit and type in between the E-I-E-I-O’s. I am their whole life. You see, when you’ve decided to pour out your life for someone else, it’s a commitment you simply cannot renege on. I guess the Lord chooses who your life will be given to – not us. My sacrifice – my freedom to choose what I will – what I desire – has been removed from all ambitions out of love for my husband, children and mother. Am I the best example of sacrificial giving? Certainly not. Am I true to the core and “ever faithful”? Most definetely!

My freedom sacrificed for others. I have succeeded. Semper Fi.

12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. ~John 15:12-14

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Sadness (part 2)

The sound of change falling to the ground and a couple fighting fills the air as I exit my truck full of whining toddlers. A woman walks up behind me and gives a half hearted smile as she drops her trash in the recepticle next to the gas pump I’m using.

It’s a chilly, dreary day in October and none of the noise surrounding me seems to affect the silent sadness that has settled inside this earthen vessel today.

I’ve just left the graveside funeral of an old man who had but 3 friends and 2 nurses attending. As the wind blew I stepped out of my chaotic truck full of children and can’t erase the image of a small military flag displayed on a tripod in the ground in front of a priest and five lonely souls.
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The other night (as many nights recently) the baby woke up crying. She’s been teething for what seems like months now and still no sign of those new chompers. For the most part, I’ve weaned her from middle of the night feedings, but when she’s screaming for over an hour at 2 am and I’m wondering how much longer the other 2 gremlins (Mia and Addie) are going to stay asleep with all the noise, there truely is only one thing that calms her – and it’s attached to me!
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