Recounting the movie I saw tonight, I wonder. I wonder, well, what I often wonder apart from any prompting from pretending performers, which is this: Why are there so many miserable ones? So many poor ones? So very much grief in a world capable, too, of so much joy? And if I knew why, would it even console my own misery? Would understanding in itself make me content?
Perhaps. Perhaps not.
Nevertheless, on this last day of 2012, I search for that understanding. I seek to escape the hopelessness of years of repeated discouragement and discontent. Life must change. Desperately, I want to believe the future holds what the past has found me vainly pining for and disappointed over its apparent absence. I whisper in the pew, in the car, in the dark, “Lord, help my unbelief!”