I am a dreamer. Always with a big plan, a bigger hope, a few prayers, and a number of unreasonably wild ideas. I’m sure you can only imagine how hard it is to be my husband.
So, up sixty pounds from just one year ago, I’m happy to say I am five months pregnant. The fourth in line is another girl (I have three) – not to be confused with the gleeful explanation by a Planned Parenthood employee of “another (dead) boy” circulating the mainstream right now. No. Despite my loathing of extra weight and round the clock nausea, this is a wanted baby; a planned pregnancy; an expensive surgical miracle of a once sterile husband’s will. More than that, it is a reflection of the very heart of a Creator who redeems erring women, of whom I am the chief.
Let me explain…
When I was a little girl I had my heart set on being a lumberjack. I wanted to spend my days in the forest with a hatchet and cut down trees all day. If that didn’t work out I was sure I’d at least become a minor league baseball player.
In sixth grade my ambitions had changed significantly. I decided I’d be a missionary to a foreign country. I wanted to be a linguist, too.
In junior high I invented a “floss all your teeth at one time” machine and I thought I’d become an orthodontist.
In high school I spent my days searching for a career choice that would give me the most pay for the least amount of school. I was poor and wanted to work. I went to college for dental hygiene.
In college I wanted to be a Budweiser model. A few years later I buried myself in fitness. Three a days at the gym had me planning my debut as a fitness competitor.
Then, my plans came to a screeching halt. The girl who was chiseling abs and quadriceps and had just decided she did not want children was unexpectedly pregnant. Having been married for over four years, one wouldn’t think it would be so traumatic. But I had things to do. My schedule was full.
So, baby #1 slowed me down some, but I didn’t stop dreaming there. After I recovered and got back to fitness girl status, I decided I wanted to be a Marine. Since my husband wasn’t too keen on that idea, I settled on going to the police academy.
At this point, I was starting to get a clue – God’s will just might be a little better than my big ideas. I thought I better ask him what he thinks of the police academy before I go. I took all the preliminary tests and then I prayed. I asked the Lord whether I should go. His answer was found on the end of a pregnancy test. I discovered that I was expecting baby #2 that month.
After baby #2 I made up my mind to work to for my husband at his business when the girls went to school. But, by the time my oldest was five I had yet another baby girl and God had called me to home school them.
Let me just say that I wasn’t exactly happy about all of this at the time when it was handed to me. Of all my wild ideas and outlandish ambitions never once did I consider being a stay at home mom. What’s worse, when the teachers in high school asked, “What do you want to be?” I distinctly remember raising my hand and answering, “Not a teacher!”
Having finally settled into my God-given profession over a decade later, I have to look back and wonder why this beautiful life – a life that is far better than anything I could have arranged for myself – was the very last thing on my life list. In fact, it wasn’t even on my list. And, from the looks of things, I suspect the same is true for most of my generation and following.
Girls, the world is selling us lies. It started with our mother, Eve. The bottom line? Our plans are better than God’s and we will be happier, more fulfilled, and better off by taking what we want than we will if we simply accept what he is giving. I am living proof that our plans are not better than God’s. The truth is that my reality is far greater than my minuscule unfulfilled aspirations. I have life that is truly life. I have three beautiful girls and another beautiful girl on the way. I have a mother and a husband to take care of and serve. If that doesn’t make me happy and fulfilled, nothing I could ever dream of would ever be able to.
All that to say, young women, do not be deceived. Do not believe the lie that says loving a husband and having a family is undesirable, miserable work. Nothing we could do or hope for is better than having and loving life – and life can only be created inside – not outside – of you! Of all the things we tomboys have to surrender on account of being a girl, here is one only we can do. If you’re going to dream big, dream about giving life and sharing it with those to whom you’ve given it. Everything else pales in comparison – God promises that.
Maybe that all sounds crazy and most of you who disagree don’t believe me. The truth is that there is a catch. You cannot know this is true from the distance you are standing. You cannot know until you come much closer and unless and until you deny your own ideas and the false ideas of this world and make yourself willing to live into it.