Love is a Sentence

It’s hard when you have so much to say but you can’t find which way to say it – how to say it. Or who to say it to.

Once in a while you find someone worthy. Most times his name is paper.

I wonder so many things. Sometimes I feel like I don’t ever stop wondering.

I rarely ever watch tv or movies. It’s just not my interest. But I’ve have a bit of a foot injury and I’ve been trying to rest and heal it. When I do watch tv or movies I usually only watch crime documentaries or unsolved murders or something like that. But, I got sucked into this wacko show called Love is Blind.

So this show is something I would never imagine myself watching. The whole premise of the show is ridiculous to me. Basically these people who’ve never met are supposed to get to know each other without physically seeing one another on a series of talking dates over a two-week period.

Did you catch that? A two-week period.

Then, by the end of the two weeks of “blind” dating, they are encouraged to purpose marriage, yes marriage, if they are able to narrow it down to one person they like.

Yes, this is absurdity.

Anyway, after the engagement they get to go away for a week or two and have some tropical vacation and then, they get married. Or, they decide not to get married but they can decide all the the way up until they’re standing at the altar. But if they decline, they are supposed to separate forever. What in the world?

Again, absurdity.

Anyway, most people are probably familiar with this by now. These people are basically sentenced to marriage when they go on this show. I mean, if you wanna win, you gotta wed. What?

But what I find extraordinarily confounding is that the people on the show who actually seemed level-headed and admitted they can’t be sure or ready for that kind of commitment so quickly are deemed the bad guys. Like, what? And what’s more, there are scores of people talking about how terrible these people are for not committing to this agenda. I mean, would you? No. No right-thinking person would do this.

Honestly, I think I got dumber watching this show. Nothing worthwhile can be rushed or forced or mandated or manipulated. All of which took place in these relationships. It was just total nonsense in my honest opinion.

But it makes me think about this world. How is it that everything good is so difficult and everything bad is so easy? What kind of Creator would instate that just prior to dropping off his children here on earth for…their entire lives? Yet he likens his relationship with his people a marriage. We are his bride.

I bet he didn’t even do the two-week blind dates. He probably got sentenced before time began in some unfair preemptive cosmic loss.

Everyday I watch justice be truncated and I wonder not what is worth fighting for, but what I really have any ability whatsoever to influence at all. I wonder what is expected by God. I’ve heard it’s our best. But what if our best never begets rebirth? I mean, marriage is the benefactor of birth, if we’re being honest. But what if our best never makes anything much better? What if there is no birth? That’s the kind of whats I wonder.

I saw a woman stand up today. She said she had something to say. She was the victim of a serious crime. So she stood up and she said, “I feel for the mother of this boy who did this to me. I want to encourage him to stop putting his family through this.”

Well. That’s quite a sentence. Even the judge can’t hand down a sentence like that. But that lady from the bad neighborhood did. She did her best with the bit of time she was given.

And after some time that boy turned around and faced her and he said, “I am sorry, ma’am. It won’t happen again.”

Perhaps I will think of that exchange instead of a time-wasting tv show when someone says, “love is blind.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tbu7hNFcYI

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All This Time

No regrets. No what ifs. No coulda beens. 

God is sovereign, right? He gets to give. He gets to take. He gets to choose and reject. He gets to accept and deny. God gets the glory, right? God gets the first, and the final, say in absolutely everything. 

Absolutely everything. 

When that’s what you believe, what else is there to wonder? Except, well, that one little word.

Why?

Why this and not that? Why good and not bad? Why worse and not better? Why rich and not poor? Why here and not there? Why him and not her? Why when? Why where? Why all this time, Lord? Why have you left me?

You know what I wanna know. You know. 

I want my dad. 

Yes, I remember. I got a glimpse. I guess I saw him in someone else that one time. And it was good. But. Well. 

Guess what? That wasn’t good enough. Because he’s gone again.

I wonder what would happen if everyone really just started seeing you for who you are. I wonder if I ever really will. Because you can’t be anything like I think. 

I have no idea what you want. I have no idea why people think you’re the way they think you are. What have they seen that I haven’t? What have they studied that I don’t? What have they done that I didn’t? I just wonder if anyone really believes half of what they say. And when they do why they are so weird. And so unkind. 

Then again I’m the one writing about the wonders of unwitnessed whispers. 

Yes, that’s you, right? You’re a whisper. A breeze. A ghost. A presence that wants me to be impressed. Why? 

Yeah. I guess I’m the weird one.  What a way to show someone you love them. 

I’m waiting. 

You know what I most wonder in my constant whys and wondering? When you’ll actually show up. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zFe0XICK-0

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Wednesday Night

The sweat of the day along with the haze sat down next to her like a wet blanket of praise.

Praise. Worship, she thought. Remember the days when we came home to praise? When the words all sang like birds to the Maker and she knew a thousand ways to give thanks.

A thousand ways to say…”Hey! I’m down here!”
And that’s just the way she always prayed.

Prayed. She always prayed. Only it wasn’t a thou or a thee or a hail or a knee. It was a, “Oh, look. I’m free.” Yes, I’m free. You’ve got a friend in me because today, again, you made me see. Life’s whole purpose is just a closer walk with Thee.

“What is worship?” she mused from her stolen moment.

For her it wasn’t liturgies or bowing knees. It was birds and bees and grass and trees all in unison singing the song she lived and breathed.

On Wednesday night, sitting down with sweat of the day along with the haze, they all prayed. They sang together in the play where her porch was their stage…

What did they say?

I’m free.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOKaircCiGI

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Hide and Seekers

“Marco!”

In a hushed voice she replies, “Polo.”

And later at the playground, “You count, I’ll hide.”
“One…two…three…four…”

Seven year-olds always seem to find a way to entertain us even when there are no tangible toys and no tensely timed games taking up their time on the field.

Fast forward six or seven years and you find teeny boppers who scarcely find time to tell you where they’re going. By the eighteen year mark, between unreturned text messages and ugly work schedules, you often have to wonder where your first-born beauty even rests her long-locked head.

Children hide when they’re happy. They hide when they’re sad. They hide when they’re hurting. They hide when they’re bad. When we come to find them, they laugh; they play; they smile; they heal.

Children love to hide. Children love to be found.

The reason they love to hide is because they want to be searched for. They want to be sought out. They want to be discovered. They want to be found.

I guess that’s why the Bible says, “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.” We hide. He seeks.

We children often hide from Our Father.

We hide when we’re happy. We hide when we’re sad. We hide when we’re hurting. We hide when we’re bad.

When he comes to find us we laugh; we play; we smile; we heal.

Prodigals often return far more well-suited to win battles than when we left. The Finisher of Our Faith finds every hide-and-seeker and frozen freeze-tagger even when we fake and flounder for what seems like forever. He never stops finding seekers even when seekers stay hidden far past our turn.

^_Polo.

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A Few Words From a Friend

I took the kids to see a show about David’s life yesterday. Every year for the past seven we’ve gone to see a different story. They are always well done and give the watcher a better understanding of the real life situations the people read about in the Bible actually faced. By removing the characters from ancient Israel onto a modern-day stage, we are able to see how similar our lives really are to those who lived the pages of the Bible so long ago.

The story of David begins as all of ours does – as a child. David was the youngest of eight brothers. While all his older siblings are out learning to fight, David is sent out to tend sheep. He, too, learns to fight lions and bears to protect his sheep. In his spare time out in the wilderness, he learns to play music and worship God. It’s safe to say David spends a lot of his young life alone. Many can relate to feeling smaller than everyone around us, insignificant, and alone.

David made the best of his lot, though. He learned how to protect his flock and he drew close to God in ways those who do not spend so much time alone never do. There’s a benefit in David’s aloneness that few ever find because he chose to be a faithful friend to God.

The plot twists and David becomes bigger than he ever believed. But as David’s life becomes bigger, his battles greatly intensify. God gives him victory over victory, but his best friendship becomes a bit smaller. As David goes through battle after battle after battle, albeit winning, he becomes weary of the weight of what he is called to do. He seeks for fairer weather.

I guess he just doesn’t want to fight anymore. Maybe he just wants a break from battle. And who could blame him? He’s been a warrior since he was called to work for God. I reckon he wishes he could just go back to watching his sheep for a while. Who of us has not wanted for the simplicity of our youth when life becomes work-filled and every relationship feels war-torn?

David finds comfort in a new friend – a forbidden one. When David finds himself friending someone else’s wife, his future flips script and he falls out of friendship with His Father for a time. David’s want for freedom from fighting, a more intimate friendship, and maybe just some simple smiles became greater than his trust in his former friend. How many of us climb up life’s ladder only to find ourselves wishing for a reprieve and a few real friends?

So David changed. He fought a few battles for himself and he lost a few of the fears he once felt. David did wrong by God and he felt the weight of worry and shame fall over him. For a time it seemed he had fallen so far from the freedom found in friendship with God that he may never return.

And I wonder how many sat in that theater and thought the things I did. I bet, at least for a few, it’s been quite a long time since we have felt like God is really with us, too. Yet, He is.

The funny thing is that the overarching theme of David’s story is how he knew that God was with him. No man could volunteer to slay a giant with a rock without faith that God was for him. He couldn’t have humbly served as a lowly shephard or served a murderous king or won as a mighty warrior without ever-believing he was accounted for by the one who sent him to win in the first place. David’s life was a life chock full of faith. Still, he is so relatable because everyone – every single one of us – falls from grace and experiences lows in life if we are truly living it.

David wasn’t a fake. David’s faith – home grown from his youth – was not a fraud. He was among the faithful – so much so that even after all his failures God counts him as a man after His own heart. He never fell out of favor with God even when he so-severely faltered. No. David’s Friend was ever-true. But without failure, we likely wouldn’t know Our Father at all. He, after all, is the One known best for forgiving.

I’m sure there was someone besides me there watching that felt renewed at the realization that life’s highs and lows do not negate or nullify former or future faithfulness, even when you are in a dark place of fallen hopes and sin-altered futures like David was.

When life takes its toll, friends seem foreign, our failures are huge and our futures are hard to even find, one thing we’ve got to remember is that God does not go away. He waits for us to wonder where he is and then he walks out into our wilderness and sits with us. He says what Samuel said to David in the play, “Never forget the power of worship. Not every battle is won with the sword.”

David didn’t do everything right in his life to say the very least. He was a liar, a thief, an adulterer, and a murderer during the darkness he dealt with. But David didn’t drown in his duplicity. He rose back out of it by believing that despite his own lost battles, he still very much belonged to God. God agreed.

And so just when we think God has given up on us, he gives us reasons to remember him. David could bring neither the man he killed nor the baby that died because of his sin back to earth. But David was given a new future despite the darkness. His mistress became his wife and their second son became the wisest, richest king the world has ever known. God was with them.

I guess He’s a better friend that we are.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7Btc3g0UaU&list=RDC7Btc3g0UaU&start_radio=1

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An Easter Story

Me and my dad 1990

Sometimes it’s hard to know what to think about when we consider Our Father.

But, it’s Easter, so I reckon we should.

While the world is focused on eggs and bunnies and, hopefully, the death, burial, and resurrection of the Son, I consider the Father. The Father who allowed his child to die.

I look around and I see all the words and all the wonder about Him. What He did, who He was, what it all means, and, I wonder. What does it mean to me – a recovering deconstructionist?

I begin by appreciating the attention given my Lord. I welcome the stories of his goodness and grace. But, if I’m honest, I often find what I know is Truth to ring hollow and find myself numb to his pain and his purpose.

Then, I do what only a faith-worn weary wrestler knows to do. I hold out my hand and I wait for my Father to hold it.

When I think of Him, I think of my father, who woke me in the morning playing songs on his guitar and singing about me; singing to me. I think of my father, who sat down singing as I opened my eyes and who saw me. I think of my father, who had few words but much love on any given day. I think of my father, who sat with me to study and stayed with me to play. I think of my father, who shared his wealth and offered his every resource to me. When I stretch out my hand to experience a God who lived and died for me, my dad is the image-bearer I see.

Now, the story makes sense. Now, I see Him because now I know how He sees me. Now, his death stings. Now, a heart that must stay waiting on a stale Saturday for years upon years waiting on a resurrection of holy reunion and new life renewed is real; righteous; requitable; relatable. Now, the wretchedness of death evidenced in a Father’s separation from his child for the sake of untold, unfinished purpose in the world is reputable.

So, when I want the resurrection to feel real, I think of a faithful father. Then the story makes sense.

https://youtu.be/m_uWS6K-VF8

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Joshua 10 When God Gives the Win

Entering Joshua chapter 10, we find God’s people in a newly established peace treaty with one of their neighboring enemies: Gibeon. In the preceding chapter, the Gibeonites had duped Israel out of fear of being destroyed by their God. I guess word had gotten around about the new kids in town. So Joshua wasn’t going back on his word and Gibeon was sitting pretty on the right side of God’s favor along with Israel. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, right?

In chapter 10 we find the king of Jerusalem, Adoni-zedek, hearing about the same God and fearing the same annihilation by him. Instead of pretending to obtain a peace treaty like the people of Gibeon, this guy gets his gang together and gathers forces to attack God’s people. A total of five kings gather against Israel including the king of the Amorites, Jerusalem, Hebron, Jarmuth, Lachish, and Eglon.

Israel’s new friends are familiar with these guys, though, and they get nervous. They realize what is going on and they tell Joshua to get ready to fight.

Joshua takes all his warriors up to where the kings have gathered their troops and God says, “Do not fear them, for I have given them into your hands. Not a man of them shall stand before you.” (Joshua 10:8)

Oh. Well that’s good news at the front of a massive battle. God promised absolute victory before the show even started. And guess what? He gives us the same confidence when we go out against the enemy of our soul when he gives this promise: “Greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world.” 1 John 4:4

The text goes on to say that Joshua ambushed his enemies and the Lord threw them into a panic. They fled and the Lord threw down large stones from heaven and they died. The text says more died from the hailstones than the sword. Apparently God was working with Joshua to win this unprompted attack against his people.

The five enemy kings hid in caves like the cowards they were when God’s judgement came calling. Joshua’s army just rolled some big stones against the cave openings and continued their conquest.

Here’s a clue. If you don’t want God to get you, maybe don’t attack his good guys.

In Joshua 10:29-43, Israel went on to go through all five towns that these enemy kings ruled. They left no one alive. They killed every last man, woman, and child, just as God had given them to do. Then, they went back and hung the five cave-hiding kings on five trees. Sounds so Jesus-like, right? I mean, God gave the victory against these guys for the inheritance of the promise-land. God’s people kept them in the cave while the enemy was completely defeated. God’s people killed them and hung them on the tree. God’s people received what was promised through the death of the king in each jurisdiction. Sounds just like what Jesus did for us…and…what we did to him.

The text says Joshua asked the sun to stand still and the moon to stop in the valley until the God took vengeance on the enemies of his people. God honored his request and the sun did not set for a whole day during this conquest.

When I look at this story I see God’s glory. I see the enemies of God’s children being completely annihilated by God’s vengeance just as sin – our biggest enemy – was completely annihilated by the same motive. I see stones rolled in front of kings in caves until the wrath on the all that is wrong is fully complete. I see the kings hung on trees so God’s kids can rightly obtain the vast inheritance the enemy tried to steal. I see the Day lasting longer so that the battle can be completely won. Because, “Bear in mind, that our Lord’s patience means salvation…” (2 Peter 3:15a) I see God saying, “Come. Now is the day of God’s favor; today is the day of salvation.” (2 Corinthians 6:2)

When I read Joshua 10, I see God saving his people just like Jesus saves us. He gave them Gibeon’s aide. He gave their enemies panic. He threw down great hailstones. He made the night hold off.

God will give us who and what we need exactly when we need them. That’s what parents do for their kids. We are no match for the Enemy, but he is no match for Our Father.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IppwbzsS7cc

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Joshua 7 A Thief and a Prostitute

The people of God have just entered the long-awaited promised land. The walls of Jericho have fallen by the Almighty hand of God and the obedience of his people. In Joshua chapter 7, we find the people of God experiencing their very first in-house issue in this new, hopeful land.

The text tells us in Joshua 7:1 that Israel broke faith in regard to devoted things. Apparently a man named Achan took some things that did not belong to him from the enemy’s camp when God gave his people victory. So it was like the loot a group would gain when they won a battle against another people. These items had been deemed forbidden by God in the preceding chapter and God had warned his people not to keep anything for themselves, rather, to destroy everything except Rahab the prostitute and all who were with her in her house.

Remember Rahab? She helped the spies who came for Israel and hid them in her home. God showed mercy on this woman despite her sin because she did right by his people. I think it’s important to note that the people we deem most unworthy may indeed be the very people God singles out to use mightily and to save singularly from the ubiquitous destruction. Hold that thought for a moment.

So Israel went into another area of the land to spy and they lost the battle they’d initiated. They lost 36 men and they became exceedingly fearful. The text tells us God’s people’s hearts “melted and became like water.” Joshua began to pray and mourn. He asked God why he had brought he and his people just to allow them to be destroyed by their enemies. He tells God they would have been more than happy to stay where they were and not come further into the land. Joshua asks why he was sent only to lose.

Have you ever felt like that? After setting out on a faith-requiring journey and being confident that God is behind you all you have is hope, hope, hope for the very best. Then, pow. The exact opposite of what you believed he would do is thrust upon you. Hope evaporates and you begin to question why God would even send you out just to watch you lose. Or did he even send you? Did you even hear him? Does he even speak to you? Does he even speak at all? Does he even care? Does he even exist?

Try having that experience repeatedly and see what condition your faith is in.

God answered Joshua. He informed him of Achan’s sin. God told Joshua that the reason they lost was their own fault. Someone among their people had stolen the forbidden items, lied, and hidden the items in their camp. God tells Joshua they will not win until the devoted things were destroyed from among them.

Joshua brought his people in tribe by tribe and questioned them. Finally, Achan confessed to his theft. Joshua asked him, “Why did you bring trouble on us?” and told him “The Lord brings trouble on you today.” (Joshua 7:25) Then Achan, the devoted items, and all his family and animals were completely destroyed.

Here, we have a great contrast between the mercy of God on one sinner and the wrath of God on another. How was Rahab the prostitute spared from the destruction of everyone around her while Achan was destroyed and everyone around him lived? Futhermore, Rahab was not part of the covenant people of God and Achan was. What does this chapter prove about God and his nature?

I believe it has to do with presumption. Rahab did not presume upon God’s mercy, she quite literally asked for it. Achan assumed he would get away with his sin and presumed upon God’s grace. Rahab was aiding God’s people by deceiving their enemies and Achan was deceiving God’s people by benefitting from their enemies. What Rahab did right is the very thing Achan did wrong. Both were sinners because all humans are sinners. But here is the key…Achan’s sin was hidden and Rahab’s was overt. Everyone knew Rahab was a prostitute. She wasn’t pretending to be something she wasn’t. Her sin essentially hurt herself. No one knew Achan was at fault. He was selfishly deceiving others while simultaneously pretending to be a good person. Achan’s sin hurt everyone around him.

But wait. Joshua hadn’t done anything wrong. The rest of Israel hadn’t sinned. But they all experienced great loss because of this one man’s sin. Because one religious man disobeyed, everyone suffered. On the contrary, because one sinful woman obeyed, the whole company was blessed.

We are all sinners. So maybe this is a lesson to teach us that when our sin affects everyone it is far more egregious. And if our right-doing affects everyone it is far more blessed. I don’t really know. But what I do know is that if we find ourselves losing hope and faith because we’ve been experiencing loss after loss – especially after believing God sent us out for gains – we had better start searching for the someone among us who is pretending. Far too many times I have been the religious pretender being shown up by the irreligious good-deeders. And there is hell to pay when you’re the perpetrator among people who rightly belong to God.

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Ecclesiastes 11-12 The End of the Matter

Solomon begins chapter 11 by speaking of the advantage of risk-taking despite uncertainty. He suggests that men ought to try many ways in the their work despite the lack of immediate results or changing winds. The one who fears what is to come in work and weather fails to act appropriately and often misses most of the rewards. Because we cannot understand all the ways in which God works and therefore faith is always required in our work.

Our duty is not to predict and comprehend all of life, rather, it is to work diligently in diverse ways and be always alert to which efforts the Lord is choosing to bless and adjust accordingly. In other words, what prospers and what dies is not up to us. Only diligence in working and waiting is our duty.

Solomon notes that light is good and gives us some reason to rejoice, yet he reminds us that the days of darkness will be many. He wants us to recognize that good times will come and go quickly so that we might be aware that temporal joy, youth, and strength on this earth is fleeting. Solomon exposes our inevitable end which is judgement.

Moving into chapter 12, Solomon encourages us not to be troubled but to remember Our Creator while we’re yet young and able. Why? Because harder days are coming.

Harder days come with age when our youth is gone. Solomon goes on to describe our teeth wearing down and falling out, our vision dimming, our hearing fading, and insomnia setting in. He uses imagery to convey the hair turning white, the loss of libido, the slowing of our walking, the back breaking, the bones becoming frail, and the heart failing.

Solomon reminds us that we are but dust which will soon return to the earth. He tells us that our spirit, however, will return to the one from whom it came: Our Lord.

All of this Solomon describes as vain.

Our wise king concludes his book making reference to himself as “the Preacher.” He says that with his wisdom he taught others knowledge and wrote down his words that others might know the truth. He says his words are trustworthy and were given by our Shepherd, not himself. He warns of the foolishness of going on endless quests for knowledge and meaning because the truth is quite simple and he has already stated it here.

One can waste an entire life searching for meaning because books and opinions will never cease to be in great abundance. That journey is circular, wearisome, and largely unnecessary. What Solomon has stated here is the simple truth of life. It is this:

“The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgement, with every secret thing, whether good or evil.” ~Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

Fear God.
Keep his commandments.
Know there is judgement for every single deed.

Note here that God judges not only evil deeds. Solomon says he judges good deeds, too. All will eventually be accounted for because God is altogether just.

So eat. Drink. Find pleasure in honest work. That is how a life is well-lived.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbxNtPiCBK8

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Ecclesiastes 8 Watching for the Right Way

In Ecclesiastes chapter 8 Solomon says the wisdom of the wise can be shown even in the countenance of a man’s face. He reminds us that it is wisdom to submit to civil authority and that a wise heart know two very important things for any decision or circumstance in life: the proper time and the just way. Solomon says there is indeed a time and a way for everything. (Ecclesiastes 8:5-6)

I imagine if we all considered and summoned the Lord about the proper time and the just way to do whatever it is that we struggle with doing we might just fare a good deal better in the decision-making process. There is only one problem with this process that Solomon mentioned, and likely the one that keeps us from making wise decisions when life is difficult. The issue for us is that our trouble lies heavy on us says our wise king.

The reason we don’t seek and pray and wait for the proper time and the just way to act is because our troubles rush and defeat and frustrate and discourage and exasperate us. The weight of our worry and of what the future might hold keeps us from waiting on or acting in ways that are most wise, when it is most wise. Our own fear and past failure often hold us captive to what we should let go or cause us to release what we should clutch and cling to. It is our predisposition to dwell on our own discomfort and do what’s not wise rather than wait and act upon what is most wise when under duress.

The reason Solomon gives for our foolishness is our inability to know what is to come. We have no power over death or evil. We want control. It is unnatural to trust a God we cannot see. It is far easier to trust our own foolish selves and pretend we are the ones who control our own destinies. But who of us even knows if this very day will be our last?

Solomon speaks on the evil of the wicked being praised in the temple and the evil of justice delayed. These dark realities add to man’s determination to do more evil. He shares some hope, though, and encourages us in the fact that even though the wicked may live long and their punishments are long-delayed, that the righteous are far better off.

Solomon mentions the evil of good things happening to evil people and bad things happening to righteous people. Vanity, once again. Still, despite this gross injustice the only answer Solomon has is to rejoice in life. Eat, drink, and rejoice because life is still a gift.

Wisdom taught Solomon that no matter how wise a man becomes, he cannot ever fully understand or know the work God is really doing on the earth. Therefore, all of our faith will most certainly require trust.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lLigiVgJsE

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