John 20:19-23 When Jesus’ Words Come to a Woman First

The curtain has closed on Jesus’ crucifixion.  Mary is the only person who has seen him appear after his death.  She has reported her experience to her brothers, the disciples, saying, “I have seen the Lord,” and the things he had told her specifically.  John 20:19 gives us an idea how they received Mary’s testimony.

The same day Mary saw Jesus and told the disciples about his appearance, we find the disciples still hiding in a locked room fearing the corrupt religious men.  That tells us quite a few things.

Firstly, it tells us that they very likely did not believe her.  I wonder what they did think about Mary’s claims to have seen, and spoken with, Jesus that day.  Here’s what I bet the dialogue sounded like:

She’s crazy.
She’s out of her mind.
She’s just upset and overtired.
She’s lying.
She just wants attention.
We can’t trust a woman.
She’s seeing things.
If Jesus would have come back, he wouldn’t appear to her, but us first.
Who does she think she is?

I bet all of that and more was said of Mary.  Being a woman who is the only one privy to what God is doing and saying is not a place of honor and esteem then or now.  It is a place of dismissal, disregard, and downright disgust.

If those holy men had believed one word Mary had said, they would have been hanging on to every single one of them, fearlessly out looking for Jesus, remembering his foreshadowing of all that was to happen to him.  Instead he finds them hiding together in a room, fearing for their lives.

Jesus, in his mercy, appears to them as well.  His first words to his men were, “Peace be with you.”  He extended peace because peace is what they most lacked at this hour.  They had so much grief; so much angst; so much fear; so much confusion; so much lack of understanding.  When we find ourselves in such a position, Jesus’ first words to us are peace.

In addition to his words, he simultaneously shows them the wounds in his hands, feet, and side and that made the disciples glad.  Why?

Jesus, firstly, had to prove that he was indeed back from death.  By showing his marks of death, he proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that he had indeed conquered the very thing they had been cowering together in fear of: death.  If their Lord had died and returned, they knew that the things he taught them would lead them ultimately to a place of safety and peace with God whether they died or lived.

Jesus offers peace and then tells them he is sending them as the Father had sent him.  He breathed the Holy Spirit onto them and gave them the authority to forgive sins.

These words are a mere extension of his full commission to go into all the world and preach the gospel, the means by which to do so (His Word and the Holy Spirit), and the effects of doing such (forgiveness for the sinner and condemnation for the unrepentant.)

In this passage we learn the tenderness and high value Jesus places on women and their testimony.  We see just the opposite from their male counterparts who are their hearers. We see Jesus offer peace to his people in their most unsettling times and we watch how he commissions them just after they turn to believe him fully.

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John 16:25-33 Overcoming the World

Jesus has been trying to prepare his disciples for his departure.  Jesus was not only departing, he was departing in a very difficult, painful way.

We can all relate on some level.  When someone we love deeply leaves, it is often traumatic.  Separation is hard to understand.  Death is hard to understand.  Traumatic, sudden death is devastating to surviving friends and family.  So often these realities cause us to doubt; to lose faith.  We cannot go back to life before the relationship we’ve lost because the other was such a major part of us.  The person we’ve lost impacted our lives in great and powerful ways.

Jesus knows.  He knew his friends were not only about to grieve his death, but also about to fear for their own lives, doubt their own purpose, and find themselves desperately broken-hearted.

We’ve been there, haven’t we?  But what does Jesus say?  What does he do?

Jesus promises his friends five things.  Jesus promises a Helper who is coming, joy to replace their sorrow, the love of the Father, peace in earthly tribulation, and His own ultimate victory.  Consider these things.

Jesus promises a Helper who is coming. (John 16:7)

That Helper is the Holy Spirit.  He tells his disciples that the Holy Spirit will not come unless he leaves.  Though Jesus will be gone, they will have the Holy Spirit to guide, convict, direct, comfort, encourage, and lead them at all times.  Unlike Jesus, who, in his humanity could only be one place at one time, the Holy Spirit will always be with them all no matter where or when He is needed.  Good news!

Jesus promises joy to replace their sorrow.  (John 16:20)

Jesus likens their sorrow and pain over his departure to a woman in labor.  He reassures them that the pain will pass, they will forget how much it hurt, and unending joy will fill their hearts because they will indeed see him again.  There will be a time of reuniting after the departure.  His death would not be final.  Because His death would not be final, no one else’s would either!  Good news!

Jesus promises the love of the Father.  (John 16:27)

There is little we need in life more than the assurance of Our Father’s great love.  With that, we can face all fears, pain, hardship, and trials with confidence.  When we know we are loved, we know hope.  Our faith and trust in Christ gives blessed assurance of God’s unchanging love. Good news!

Jesus promises peace in earthly tribulation. (John 16:33)

Jesus tells his friends that he is saying all of these things that they might have peace.  Jesus is being honest about what they are about to face.  He is up front about how they are going to suffer, how difficult life will be, how much faith they are going to need, and who to go to when they have need.  Earthly tribulation, separation from those we love most, painful deaths, and confusing circumstances are all things all of us must endure here on earth.  Earthly tribulation is a given from God.  No one escapes that fate. But Jesus gives us the recipe for possessing his peace despite those things when they come.  Good News!  What is that recipe?  It is knowing and believing that He has overcome the world.

Jesus promises His own victory. (John 16:33)

Jesus tell his friends to take heart.  After explaining in detail how hard their circumstances are about to become, Jesus offers peace and commands them to take heart.  On what basis?  His own victory!  Jesus says he has overcome the world!  And that is the the ultimate Good News!!!

A Helper who is coming.
Joy to replace our sorrow.
The love of the Father.
Peace in earthly tribulation.
His own victory.

These are the things Jesus promises in the midst of life’s most difficult circumstances.  When the ones we love most depart for a time; when life as we know it is radically altered; when nothing we knew or planned makes any sense; when we lose confidence in our prayers or our purpose.  Jesus promises the best things.

There are some things Jesus does not do, though.  He does not spare his friends the pain of temporary separation from those we love most.  He does not spare his friends the pain of death.  He does not spare his friends a lack of perfect understanding.  He does not spare his friends extended periods of waiting and wanting for things that break our very hearts no matter how desperate our pleas and our prayers.

We don’t always get what we want, do we?  We get what we need.  And as comforting as Jesus’ promises are, we are but children grasping at what we think would satisfy our desires; ease our pain; un-break our hearts; restore our losses, never realizing that He is all of those things and his promises mend us to the uttermost if we’ll just embrace them in the stead of our own plans.

A Helper who is coming.
Joy to replace our sorrow.
The love of the Father.
Peace in earthly tribulation.
His own victory.

There is nothing more we need in this world.  Lord, help us live like we believe you.

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John 16:5-24 Joy in Sorrow

After Jesus warns his disciples about how they will be hated, abused, and rejected for his sake, he tells them again that he is leaving.  Several times now he has told them that he is going away.  He again promises to send the Holy Spirit to help them and makes sure they understand the Spirit’s job.

Jesus explains to his men that he has not told them these things previously because he has been with them physically.  Now that he is leaving, Jesus wants them to understand more about what is coming next.  What is coming next?

Well, he tries to tell them, but they are stuck.  They aren’t focused on the future in the least.  Their hero has just told them he is leaving.  They are devastated.  They are heartbroken.  They are confused.  The text calls them, “sorrowful.”

Who wouldn’t be sorrowful? Their best friend and leader is acting really weird.  He’s telling them to put themselves last, endure and expect hateful abuse, and make sure they stick together in love because he is about to leave them.  These guys still thought Jesus was going to conquer Rome!  This is not adding up, and not only is it not making any sense at all, but he’s leaving to boot.  The text says sorrow had filled their hearts.

Knowing their state, Jesus makes an observation.  He says, “…none of you asks me, ‘Where are you going?'” (John 16:5)  Why does he say that?

Jesus is going back to the Father.  He tells them it is to their advantage that he leaves.  He reassures and encourages them saying that what he is about to do is ultimately, positively for their good.  He’s sending them a Helper who will always be with them.  This Helper will have the ability to convict the world of sin and justice will be done to all evil.  That is all good news!

Don’t worry guys, I know what’s going on in the world.  I know it’s unjust!  I see Rome.  I see the religious hypocrisy.  I see all that’s amiss.  I’m sending someone to help you in my absence, and, eventually, justice will be done in all places.  It may not be done in the ways or in the time frame that you wanted or expected, but it will be done indeed.

Why, though, does Jesus tell them that, “…no one asks, ‘Where are you going?'”

The reason he highlights their failure to ask where he is going is because it is key to their joy.  Jesus is going to the Father.  Jesus is pointing to future realities.  Future realities for the disciples are where their rewards lie.  The disciples, however, are stuck in the suffering of the right now.  They want heaven right now.  They can only see their sorrow, which is heavy upon them, right now.  They only feel what is right now.  They are looking at right now.  Jesus wants them to look at where they are going instead.  Their hope for the future realities of loving and serving Christ is the only way they will be able to endure the right now.

Jesus knows they have to get a hold of the what is to come realities and rewards if they are going to make it faithfully through the tragic right now realities. That is why he highlights their failure to question where he was going.  If they would, it would prove that they had hope for their own future and that they were learning to look to that for their hope and joy in the midst of their sorrow and suffering.

Jesus tells them that they will be sorrowful, but that their sorrow will turn to joy.  (John 16:20)  Jesus isn’t a shyster who baits and switches.  He tells his people that it is going to be hard.  It’s going to be real difficult following him.  They’re going to be hated.  They’re going to miss him.  The world is going to rejoice as they suffer.  And it’s all going to hurt.  It is indeed going to hurt really, really bad.  It just is, guys.  But don’t worry!  I won’t leave you as orphans, he tells them.  Don’t worry!  Your sorrow is going to turn into joy!  All the pain is going to be worth it!  Just like a woman in labor forgets the pain, you will rejoice when you see the future realities I have in store for you!  No one will take your joy away then!  You will see me again!  When I go away and it seems like I’m gone forever, don’t believe it!  I will return and you will be amazed!

Jesus was speaking of his impending death and resurrection.   These guys were about to watch their hero die.  They were about to watch the world rejoice at his death.  They were about to be hated and suspect right along with him.  But he was also about to resurrect.  He’s telling them about future realities.  He’s asking for their trust.  He wants them to ask the questions that lead to where they are going rather than staying stuck in the immediate sorrow of this very difficult season.

Jesus is explaining what is coming in a covert way.  He wants them to think deeply about it.  He tells them that if they will but ask, they will receive and in so-doing, their joy will be complete.

Jesus is pointing his men to joy as their hearts are filled sorrow.  He’s telling them the key to joy is to consider where you’re headed rather than where you are.  He promises that the suffering and sorrow they feel is going to ultimately result in joy and that no one will be able to steal that joy.  He instructs them to ask for whatever they need, and if they obey, that they will experience the fullness of joy despite present the circumstances of sorrow and suffering.

We gotta get this.  So many times I stay stuck in sorrow when I haven’t even asked Jesus where He is going.  So many times I settle for sorrow when I know Jesus has promised joy.  So many times I stay focused on what I see rather than the future realities and rewards my Savior has surely promised.  So many times I fail to ask, seek, and keep knocking because of unbelief in his promise of joy in sorrow.

Jesus is pointing us to future realities.  Our rewards will not be fully realized until glory.  We have to stop seeing only the sorrow and suffering of right now and trust him to supply the joy for today as well as the reality of our eternally perfect tomorrows.

One day our sorrow will surely turn to joy forever, and no one can take that kind of joy away.

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John 14:15-31 Making a Home

Jesus had been giving a word of encouragement and forewarning to his disciples about what was to come, which, of course, was the cross for him and his physical absence for them.  During the course of his instructions, in John 14:15-31, Jesus goes into a discourse on obedience, love, and the giving of the soon-coming Holy Spirit.  He says that because he lives, those who love him will also live.  (John 14:19)

Notice, this passage opens with Jesus equating love for him with the keeping of his commandments.  He restates the same two more times here, and even states that the converse is true saying that whoever does not keep his words certainly does not love him, which brings the total to four.

Why is this truth so important to Jesus?  Why is it important enough that he repeats it four times in the course of one of his very last conversations on earth with his closest friends?

Verses 21 and 23 give us the answers.

In John 14:21, we find Jesus telling his best men that if they love him, that they will be loved by the Father, loved back by him, and that he will make himself manifest to them. Consider what the word manifest means.

Jesus is saying that if we do what Jesus commands – love him and love others through seeking to keep his Word – we will not only be loved by he and the Father, but that Jesus himself will be made clear, apparent, obvious, and evident to us.  If we love Jesus in the way that he defines love – obedience to him – then Jesus Christ himself will be seen, known, understood, and very apparent to us in our daily lives.  Wow!

After Jesus says this, one of his disciples asks how.  How, Lord?  How is it that you will manifest yourself to us?  And, in fact, only us, and not to the world?

Verse 23 tells us exactly how.  Jesus says again, if anyone loves me, he will keep my word.  The Father will love that person.  Both I and the Father will come to that person.  And we will make our home with him.

What?  Wow!  Now that verse is completely blowing my mind today.

Isn’t this the same God who asks, “Who can build a house for me?” expecting a resounding rhetorical, “NO ONE!”  What is Jesus saying?

Jesus is saying that humans do not build houses for God.  God builds people and they become his home.  His home.

I almost feel like I’m in some weird sci-fi movie where I’m the host and God is the alien taking up residence in my body at this point in the text.  But consider, truly, what home is.  Well, rather, consider what home should essentially be.

The God of the very universe is saying that if we love him and honor him by our obedience to him, he is going to come and live together with us.  He is going to dwell with us.  He’s going to be among us all the time.  We’re going to live together!  We’re going to eat together!  We’re going to play together!  We’re going to talk together.  We will share in all things.  We will respect each other, go out together, come in together, and work together.  I myself am going to be the place where God himself is most comfortable, most honored, most loved, and most loving.

Jesus is saying I am home to him.  I am home to the Father.  I am!  You are!  What?  Wow!!!

If I am the house in which my Father and my Savior live, what does that say about me?  What does it say about you?  It really gives a new perspective of what home even is, or, should be.

Jesus follows this mind-blowing statement up by restating the Father’s authority in all of his words and the Spirit’s imminent coming.  Jesus tells his guys that he is about to leave.

But wait, Jesus, you just said we were going to live together?  Your home is with us, right?  How does that make you leave?  How does that make any sense at all?

Jesus tells them that the Father is about to send the Holy Spirit to teach them and remind them of all that Jesus has taught them.  He promises to leave his peace and give his peace so they ought not to be troubled.  He tells them that if they love him, they must rejoice in his return to the Father even though it means he must leave them physically.  He reminds them that their time with him is short and that Satan is coming.  He reassures his friends that Satan has no authority over him, but that he must do what the Father has commanded him.

In the final verse of chapter 14, Jesus puts into practice what he is preaching to his men.  Jesus proves that obedience to the Father is the evidence to the world that he loves the Father.  Jesus practices what he preaches.  He leads by example.  He shows his disciples, and us, how it is that we will see God, and, in so-doing, how the world will see God.

Get this: Jesus says here that the world cannot see him and will not see him because they do not know or obey him.  But we do.  And because we do obey and love him, he makes himself manifest; clear; evident; apparent; obvious to us – but not to the world.  (John 14:17) BUT, the way that the world will see God – the only way – is through our obedience to him!  Wow!  And that is exactly what he did by his own example and teaching!  (John 14:31)

Obedience and love are inseparable in Jesus’ estimation.  Obedience to rules without love toward Christ is vain and useless religion.  Love without obedience toward Christ is not actually love by Jesus’ definition.  When we do both for the sake of Our Lord, he promises to make his home with us and it is then that we will truly see him clearly, continually.  Subsequently, the world, too, will see God through us when we love God enough to obey him.

Obedience to Christ is not optional.  It isn’t a suggestion.  Obedience to Christ is the evidence that we love him, and, it is in fact the only evidence sufficient to make our profession sure.

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John 1:29-34 Recognizing Christ

In John 1:29-34 we find John the Baptist recognizing Jesus for who he is and baptizing him.  John, once again, directs all the attention away from himself and points at Jesus.

He says this:

“Look, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!”

He goes on to say that this man, Jesus, was the one he had been talking about all along.  In other words, he tells all who would listen out in his wilderness that,hey, that’s the guy!  He’s the one I told you all about!  He adds that Jesus is far, far above him in significance and status.

Apparently this is news to John as well!  He, of course, had known Jesus because they were cousins by blood.  But, it seems that the Spirit of God had not revealed Jesus’ true identity as the Christ even to John up until this very point.

John was simply walking in obedience to the light that he had.  He was obeying God in exercising this ritual of water baptism in order to make way for the coming Messiah – whoever he may be.  In other words, John knew someone who would be the Savior was coming, and soon.  Now, Christ is revealed to him as being his cousin Jesus and he excitedly points him out for all to see and recognize as well.

Likewise, in our day we still have a Savior who is coming soon.  We ought to be doing as John did, walking in obedience to all the light we have right now.  We ought to be exercising whatever gifts and tasks we have been given by God in order to make way for others to recognize Christ.  If we do as John did and obey in as much as we know while we continue seeking him and his leading, what we are ultimately waiting for will eventually be made known.

John was kind of in a waiting period before Christ was revealed to him.  He was waiting on the Messiah to show up, making a way for him to come and be easily recognized by himself and everyone around him.  So ought we be doing today.

There are a lot of people within our influence who do not know Christ.  When we obey in as much as we know and work worthy to prepare the hearts and minds of others for his coming, we are doing as John did.  When we use whatever gifts, resources, and talents we have been given, we are plowing up the ground and planting the seeds which make way for Jesus to be recognized and accepted by others when the Holy Spirit comes on their day of salvation.

But how did John know this was the Messiah?  What was the indication that this was the one on whom he was waiting?

John was, of course, baptizing people.  He baptized Jesus, reluctantly, already knowing that Jesus was special.  If we read Matthew’s account of the baptism, we find John initially declining to perform the baptism due to Jesus’ higher ranking.  (Matthew 3:13-17) Jesus insisted he do so, though, and a dove descended from heaven and said the words, “This is my son, whom I love, and with whom I am well-pleased.”  

The dove remained on Jesus.  John had been foretold that such was the sign of the one which would baptize people with the Holy Spirit.  At that point, he knew for sure that Jesus was indeed the Son of God and he began to tell others of who Jesus was.

John gives us a great example of how soon after we recognize, know, and accept Jesus as Our Lord that we should begin sharing the gospel.  The answer: immediately.  As soon as we see him, we are to begin sharing him.

And let’s not forget to consider John’s level of excitement.  Consider his passion.  Consider his zeal and his willingness to move out of the way in order to make way for Jesus to be recognized.  He was absolutely amazed, pointing and shouting, “Look!  The Lamb of God!  He takes away our sin!  There he is!  He’s the one, guys!  Look at him!  (NOT me!)

Little wonder why John later said, “He must increase, but I must decrease.” ~John 3:30

So ought we all to say.  So ought we all to do all that would draw men to Christ.  As Jesus himself said, if we would but lift HIM up, he would do the rest in regards to drawing all men unto himself.  We lift him up by obeying and working worthy for the advance of His kingdom, mainly by loving and serving others well.

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A Thank-You Note

Dear Lord,

Thank you…

for healing
for deliverance
for freedom
for forgiveness.

Thank you for sending me.
Thank you for sending me…

a church.

Thank you…

for the song
for the drink
for the friend
for the lady who spoke first
for not forgetting me.

For a girl who was…

so sad
so mad
so hurt
so lost…

you showed up.
You saved me.
And you used your people to do so.

Thank you, Savior.
Thank you, good, good Lord.

I was so surprised.
I was so surprised by so, so much of what you did here…

by the parachute
by the prayers
by the people
by the preaching.

I was so surprised by the way you pulled me aside in worship yesterday.
When you whispered in my ear something I have so missed.
When you reminded me to say with a smile…

“I like church.”

It sent me back…

to a time when I really meant it
to the sacred altar where I used to sit solitary in unbridled adoration…

of you
of your work
of your house
of your people
of your mercy
of your love.

You love, Lord.
How I love you!
How I love your ways!
How I love your leading!
How I love your immortal, invisible wisdom!
How I love your church!

I love your church.
I have always loved your church.
But with all the hurt,
there was a time I truly began to hate
what I once wanted only to love well.

Thank you for allowing me to learn…

how to love in new ways
how to fight
how to overcome
how to trust.

You win.

No matter what happens, I will rest knowing…

you already won.  Thank you.

Love,
Your little girl: Lori.

 

 

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What Worry Won’t Do

I worry.

I worry that I’m wasting time, mostly.  I mean, I’m 39.  Wouldn’t you?

I worry that I’m wasting time when I’m working through another way to word what’s making wonder in my mind.

I worry that I’m wasting time when I wade through the water with half-wasted friends for a once in a great while wind-down day.

I worry that I’m wasting time when I walk into a group of girls getting into gowns and giving the glitz and glam their good graces.

I worry that I’m wasting time when I am waiting for my Wonderful Counselor to show what work He wants me to do; which way He wants me to go; which wanderers He wants me to wake; what real moment to worn down, weary, well-meaning moment worship really might look like for this woman.

Is it too much money?  Is it too much time?  Is it too much world?  Is it too unrefined?

…or…

Is it here?  Is it there?  Is it Him?  And why do I even so over-zealously care?

Wait.

WAIT. 

Wait.

Worry is not worship.  Worry is not from my Wonderful Counselor.  Worry is worthless.  It does not work.  Wait!  Worry is what is wasting my time!  Wow.

Well then.  Now that we’ve got that triple whammy out on the table, I reckon we better reminisce about a few facts that worry wasn’t about to waste it’s time remembering.

Do you know what worry will  not tell me?

Worry will never remind me that real wisdom often begins with wonder.  Worry won’t remember how many fellow wonder-ers have read my words and wondered their own way into a little more wisdom at times when they, too, were stuck in a worry-infected walk.  Neither will my Wonderful Counselor tell me about those times because He works in another way which is also known as a tiny little mustard seed work called “faith.”

Worry will not see the half-wasted water waders who don’t really have a Wonderful Counselor when they wanted this woman to say words of prayer complete with held hands and heads bowed before returning to toddlers and tireless, stress-compressing time clocks.

Worry will never be wowed when a gown girl gives glory to God because she got close with a not as into glam and glitter as she is God and His glory girl like me.

No.  Worry won’t do any of those things.  It won’t see any of those real works of the other-worldly because it is too busy digging up, dragging down, disbelieving, and doubting the good that goes on within the countless, crooked circumstances, and crazy but very clear callings that each one of us is created for.  Worry will only ever find fault with whatever it is that Wonderful Counselor really wants to work on, or, work with.  And it will work to find a way to cause others to see us through their own worry-filled wretchedness as all that we really are not.

Why?

Because that’s what worry does.

Worry does not wonder about whether those things really are part of His overarching righteous good works.  Why would it?  Worry’s only purpose is to wound and wreak unholy havoc.  Worry only wants me to wrestle.  Worry wants me to wait when I should be walking forward and walk when I should be running.  Worry wants me to wonder whether any work from this woman is worth any thing at all and continuously call her wretched.

Worry will not wait upon the Wonderful Counselor.  Worry will work before knowing what He wants.  Worry will go before He says which way.  Worry will attempt to wake wanderers before He says which ones.  Worry will wear out and weary it’s well-meaning host when no shred of real worship has even been yet offered.

The truth is that without worry, I can worship.
Without worry I can write without feeling overworked.
Without worry I can wait on the Wonderful Counselor before walking ahead.
Without worry I can wade with half-wasted women without regret.
Without worry I can get glam with the glory of God on my glitter sash.
Without worry I will know that my wondering, wandering, waiting, wading, writing, getting glam life is not nearly wasted – ever.  Never.  Ever.

On the contrary.

Without worry I can have confidence in the Creator who called and equipped me completely to sing the song of a small, not so insignificant life in a tiny town where steeples still shun me, housework still overwhelms me, daughters are still somewhat insubordinate, and straight, simple paths still fail to exist.

I can do so because the Spirit is still stabilizing me, ironically, by His ever-shifting, silent whispers.

So I will not worry.  I mean, I do not want to worry.  And I will have to trust that He is going to give me the grace to watch that wretch give up its ghost in my world.  Because I am not wasting time.  I am redeeming it, one real writer’s work, water-wader, gown-getter, and waiting wonder girl wandering detour at a spiritually sound time.

“Awake, O sleeper,
    and arise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. ~Ephesians 5:14-16

 

 

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Hushing the Heart

The teacher asked what, if anything, we held dear as a material item.  I thought of my Bible, my blue cross charm, and my “Be still” hanging heart ornament.  Already being bothered about being still by that bug-a-boo, also known as the Holy Spirit, I thought some about my heart…first the ornament, then the organ.

I won an ornament one day at a baby shower.  It is a red heart that reads, “Be still and know that I am God.” I wrote about it here: https://lorirodeheaver.wordpress.com/2014/01/06/hush-little-baby-papa-bought-you/

But that heart was bestowed upon me when I most needed it.  I was beyond believing that God cared one bit about me.  I was being bullied by men with whom I had no defense.  I was weary with trying to well-do.  I was worn down by my own wrong methods and personal misery.  I was where a woman is after years of self-sufficient working – just before she is weakened to the point of wanton wretchedness.

So I won the heart.  It was doubtless the very heart of God Himself speaking right to me.  I knew it.  God comforts the afflicted.  He comforted me the way only He can, with a still, small voice and an even smaller, huge gesture.  He gave me His heart.  God, quite literally, gave me His very heart that day.  I felt it.  I knew it.  And I callously cancelled it.

 I wish I could say that after that day he continued to consistently win mine.  But my heart was so very long hurting.  My heart desperately needed healing.  And I all I could see was how uncomfortable my circumstances really were.  Just one month after I was given God’s comfort and very clear call to continue to trust in Him, I found myself flying away from Him altogether, more completely than I ever had previously my entire life.

I had heard Him in the heart, loud and clear.  I chose not to be comforted.  I chose not to trust Him.  I chose carnality and consuming anger.  I chose to chase God completely away – as if a little know-nothing girl like me could really accomplish such a thing.

Sin has a lot of draws.  One of the most appealing false promises of temptation is comfort.  “Just take revenge,” Satan says, “you’ll feel better.”  “Eat these fries.  You deserve it.  Think these lofty, licentious thoughts.  You’ll feel better.  Say those selfish words.  You deserve it.”  And you do…feel better, for a minute.  But that’s it.  Then it’s back to burning anger and brokenness.

Comfort.  It can become an idol.  It doesn’t have to, though, because we serve a God who freely gives it.  But comfort, the kind that God gives, does not come merely to make us comfortable.  Comfort that comes from God comes so that we can comfort others.

 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ⁵ For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. ~2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Comfort from Our Creator comes specifically to create more comforters.  But what if we make comfort autocratic?  What happens when we disbelieve God’s promise of comfort and subsequent call to comfort our comrades and exchange it for the cowardly comforts of carnality and covetousness?

I can tell you.

Yes, I can tell you.  ‘Cause I have recently realized that I have been comforting myself by myself.  I have been comforting myself by myself with a myriad of Loriland coping cop-outs instead of calling on God to comfort me, and in turn, use me to comfort others.

Carnal self-comfort is always co-dependent with our commitment to sin.  Conversely, comfort derived from Our Creator comes from a mutual commitment to courage by both ourselves and Our Chief Commander.

Corrupt comfort is just another form of control, though.  God wants us to come to Him for all comfort.  He cannot refuse because He promised and He cannot lie.  He cannot lie.  He will comfort his children, and consequently, He will consistently call us to cooperate with Him in comforting one another – especially when carnality, cowardice, and covetousness creep into our camp.

So I want to repeat the prayer I wrote when I won the heart of God in the form of a hushing heart ornament.  It goes like this:

Daddy, help me. I cannot do what you are asking of me. I cannot do what I am asking of myself. I never could. Save me. Give me a heart that remembers who you are. I am expecting you to show up. I’m expecting you and no one else will do. Please come. I am depending on you to pick me up when this dreadful school bus ride is finally over. I’m waiting for you to defend me – the weak and powerless would-be orphan without you. You are all I’ve got. You are all I’ve ever had. Help me trust in you more than I ever thought I could. Thank you for life and for faith in you. Give me your strength to keep fighting for them and for your glory. Amen.

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Getting (Holy) Ghosted

                                               Photo: Rizz’s, March 8, 2019

Has God ever asked you to do something?  Has God ever asked you to do something really easy?  Has God ever asked you to do something really easy that you really didn’t want to do?  The Holy Spirit has a peculiar way of insisting.  And we have a peculiar way of resisting his insisting.

Last night my husband and I were out on a date.  As soon as we sat down, the Spirit began to “bother” me.  There was an older gentleman sitting directly behind us that seemed familiar to me, but I couldn’t place where from initially.  I recalled after a moment that he belonged to the church I grew up in as a child.  I remembered his face.  I remembered his name.  And then the Spirit would absolutely not leave me alone about him.

I began to talk about the Holy Spirit with my husband, hoping he would tell me I’m crazy and God doesn’t talk to us like that.  I asked him if he ever heard the Spirit speak to him. He said, “Yes.”  “Well, does the Spirit ever ask you to do anything specific that doesn’t really make a lot of sense or that you simply just don’t feel like doing?”  “Yes, but my will can override him.”

This is about the point at which I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that I had to speak to this man.  This is the point at which I began to argue with the Holy Spirit about what I should and should not do; what I would and would not do; what I wanted vs. what He wanted.

I’m pretty good at putting on my legal defense duds and having a go round with anyone, anytime.  Usually I can quiet that chaos right down with my jeers and self-justification.  But this is God we’re talking about.  And I knew it so.

Still, the unceasing skeptic in me continued to argue with God about why I shouldn’t have to turn around and talk to this man.

“First of all, I’m busy.  I’m off tonight, Lord.  I’m on a date.  I don’t know him.  We’ve never spoken.  He will have no idea who I am.  It won’t matter that I greet him.  What is that really going to do for you anyway?  Why are you telling me this?  I’m awkward.  I don’t do in-person conversation with strangers.  You know that, Lord.  I’m shy and I’m somewhat strange.  This is not going to be the smooth and spiritual interaction you’re calling for.  Really.  I DO NOT want to talk to him.  Please don’t make me.”

He replied.  “Child, you’re not busy.  You’re never too busy to do what I tell you, are you?  You do know him.  Remember when you were young?  Remember when everyone wrote down their names and everyone got someone else’s?  Whose name was on your paper?  What did I call you to do for him?”

“Yes, Lord.  I remember.  I prayed for him many times.  He was my person.  I never spoke to him but I prayed for him often.  I still don’t want to talk to him.”

At this point I had been arguing with the Holy Spirit for quite some time.  At least fifteen minutes.  I told my husband my awkward struggle.  He told me not to talk to the man.

“See, Lord.  I’m not even allowed.  Sorry.”

Have you ever had a thought so screaming loud in your head that you tried to hold your ears?  That was this.  He was absolutely relentless.

A few more minutes passed and the insistence of the Spirit was so intense that I simply could not bear it any longer.  I couldn’t even think for the rage in my head.  So much for being a submissive wife.  When the Spirit is screaming “SUBMIT” your deference is directed solely towards Him.

I turned around.  I asked his name to double check.  It was indeed the man I’d prayed for all those young years.  He was the man I think of every time to this day when I drive the highway with a sign with his surname in town.  But this was the first time I’d ever spoken directly to him.

I told him he probably wouldn’t know me.  He said he did, but I doubt it.  I was probably only 11 or 12 when I received that paper prompting me to pray for him.  So I just shared that I had done so and I wanted to tell him so.  I told him the Lord had me praying for him when I was a little girl.  He thanked me and seemed genuinely appreciative.  And that was the end of our little encounter.

I definitely didn’t mention that the Spirit had to so try me and turbulently tell me to turn me around for the past twenty minutes for this little talk.  I didn’t really know why it was such a big deal anyway.  But I did it.  I was done.  And it wasn’t too terribly terrible.

Just as I turned back around to my Tim-attending table, a tiny text message trumped all aforementioned terror and present doubt about what had just transpired.  My uncle, who rarely ever texts me at all, simply said, “Jesus loves you.”  My uncle, who has not sent me a text message since January for a holiday get together, sent me a message that said, “Jesus loves you,” At.  That. Very.  Moment.   And I was overwhelmed by God’s intricate interaction with me for reasons he does not feel particularly obliged to tell me about.

“THAT was NOT a coincidence!” I triumphantly tore into the mechanic. “That was God.”  He agreed, but only because you have to agree with a girl who talks about the Trinity ten times more than the temporal on any given day.

I really felt like the Spirit was encouraging me in obeying in what I did not fully understand.  Come to think of it, I’m fairly certain that is the only way it has ever been done.

I don’t know about you, but I hear the voice of God speak a lot more often than I find it favorable to listen.  Speak He does, though.  And for that I feel incredibly fortunate.

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Exodus 30:22-38 Honoring God With Our Finest Gifts

The very last item God instructed Moses to have made for the Tent of Meeting was anointing oil.  In Exodus 30:22-38, we find the instructions and specifications for its use.

The anointing oil that was to be used in God’s house was to be composed of the finest spices known to man.  Some of these included myrrh, cinnamon, cane cassia, and olive oil.  The tent, the Ark of the Covenant, the table, the lampstand, all the utensils, and the basin and stand were all to be anointed with this oil.  The priests were to be anointed with it as well and that was to be part of their consecration to God.  Anything that touched these items would become holy.

No one else was permitted to use or apply this particular blend of oil to themselves or use it in their own houses.  Only the tabernacle and the priests were to apply and use this oil.  It was to be holy and set apart for God alone and his own glory.  Anyone who duplicated or misused this blend of oil was to be cut off from the people of God.

God is serious about that which he sets apart for holiness.  Reverence and respect are to be used when handling and approaching the sacred things of God, and they are never to be used for the personal pleasures of men.

God was to be honored with this anointing oil.  The fragrant smell within his house was to set it apart as holy.  The different ingredients can be likened to the different gifts of the Holy Spirit in our gospel days.  The sacred spiritual gifts we are given by the Spirit are to be blended together in his house and used as a fragrant offering to the Lord by we, his people.  We must give our gifts back to him rather than serving ourselves by them.  If God has given us a gift in order to make himself known, we must regard that gift as holy unto the Lord and use it for his glory rather than our own.  When the people of God use their gifts and talents to serve themselves or build their own kingdoms, the result is disunity – or being cut off – from his true people.  When the people of God come together and bringing and blending the gifts we have been given together in unity, the result is a fragrant offering that honors the Lord.

Let us remember the words of Matthew Henry when offering the sweet and sacred gifts we have been given back to the Lord:

“…the like should not be made for any common use.  Thus God would preserve in the people’s minds a reverence for his own institutions, and teach us not to profane nor abuse any thing whereby God makes himself known…It is a great affront to God to jest with sacred things, particularly to make sport with the word and ordinances of God, or to treat them with lightness. (Matthew 22:5) That which is God’s peculiar must not be used as a common thing.”  

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